The Frailty of My Optimism

As I walking through an aisle in the grocery store, I noticed a slip of paper stuck between two items on the shelf. I'll admit, I read a delicious book called "Milk Eggs Vodka" by Bill Keaggy. It is a book of grocery lists that were collected and together form the quite comical commentary on the people who wrote and left behind those lists. This was running through my head as I reach for the paper. What is this mysterious message? Is it part of a scavenger hunt? A lost list? A love letter?

As I navigate through the journey of life, I've found many moments where I just can't seem to fully get on the train called Optimism. I tend to board the one called Realism. It might be the aversion to being let down or the fear of failure that makes Optimism difficult for me. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I just seem to inherently not understand it. That brings me to why I even decided to pen these words. I'm just not sure where to begin with this concept.

Until then, I've decided to explore the subject, the philosophy, the literature. I like the idea of being a Realistic Optimist. The merger of two schools of thought but within a set of parameters that I can comprehend.

In the end, what the paper was is inconsequential. I never picked it up. My hand hovered and then I moved on. It was an ironic moment of being in a grocery store with an item that gave me food for thought. 

Cheers,

A.

Quiet

Crickets. The old saying always references the sound of crickets in silence. To me, it's strange since the presence of sound in the absence of another sound does not cancel each other, but ok, I'll play along.

Rarely are moments when pure quiet, tranquility, serenity can be found. It's a mental capability at this point in our technological world since the only truly quiet places on Earth are in Antarctica.

My desire to breathe in a moment of pure peace and quiet is wracked by the anxiety of never regaining it again once I have discovered how tumultuous my surroundings are.

I will breathe and I will breathe again.

The quiet cannot come soon enough.

Cheers,

A.

Things I Wish I Knew When...I Still Had Something To Say

Recently, there was a death in my family. I've crossed many bridges in my life, but this one was a long and brutal one. The aftermath of which I am still coping with at the moment. I debated whether I wanted to write this or not, but I think it needed to be said. So here goes:

When I was a kid, I was blissfully unaware of the many terrible neuroses people cling to, one of which is to always be hurtful. My childhood was one of terrible awkwardness and even more awkward moments (you know that kid that gets picked last? That was me.) I can't say I wasn't aware that people, specifically kids could be mean, but to actually grasp the concept that there were people who purposefully put down others to feel better about themselves was impossible.

So, today, I stand here as a much stronger individual who wishes that in the moments of being picked last, skipped over with a party invitation, or having to sit alone I would've spoken up.

This is what I wish I could've known to say: Your choice to not be my friend is irrelevant to my happiness. Your choice to be who you want is a choice that everyone can make. Even me. Your choice to not invite me to your party is something I choose to regard as unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Your choice to not sit with me at lunch just means the homemade cookies I brought to share will be shared with my elderly next door neighbor who will always sit with me. Your choice to break me down as a person only shows you how much you have still to grow. My books take me on wild adventures and allow me to be any heroine/queen/or whatever I choose. They remind me that this is only one small part of the world. And tomorrow, it's mine for the taking. To give those without a voice a way to speak and to push those without strength to keep going. And no matter what you ultimately choose to do in life, I will choose to do what I want with mine and that is to be happy, independent of your validation.

That's what I wish I could have so elegantly spoken in that classroom or cafeteria.Today, with the recent death, I am reminded that there are things in life that may seem so utterly devastating and hurtful but in the end, what has not killed me has certainly made me stronger.

#youareloved

Cheers,

A.

Listability Part IV

Five Things I Have In My Medicine Cabinet
1. Dry shampoo (with dyed hair, any girl knows this a must!)
2. Deodorant (sans aluminum of course)
3. Extra razors (dull razors suck- replace often !)
4. Hair perfume (yes, it exists)
5. My contact lens case (I can't stand cluttered counters)

Five Things On My Nightstand At This Moment
1. Books ("Contagion" by Robin Cook and "Zombie Apocalypse" by Stephen Jones)
2. Bobby pins (I always have these wherever I go)
3. PS3 Remote (no other comment :*)
4. My lamp
5. My journal (anyone who knows me knows I have some sort of writing pad with me at all times!)

Five Colors I Love To Paint My Nails
1. Blue
2. Purple
3. Black
4. Pink
5. Glittery

Five Things I Don't Put In The Dryer
1. Sweaters
2. Jeans
3. Dress shirts
4. Fabric sheets
5. Dresses

Five Things I Keep In My Work Desk
1. Paper clips (I use so many!)
2. Binder clips (I mean really, based off of what I just wrote that makes sense right?!)
3. Tape (always seems to come in handy)
4. Highlighters (I love to highlight things as I read)
5. My Owl (it's a flash drive actually)

Five Flowers I Apparently Identified Correctly In A Trivia Game Recently
1. Marigold
2. Rose (duh)
3. Lilac
4. Cattail
5. Chrysanthemum

Five Apps I Have On My Phone Currently
1. Empire Z
2. Pinterest
3. Michael's (this store makes me wish I was good at scrapbooking!)
4. Pics Art
5. 100 Floors

Cheers,

A.

Listability Part III

Five Best Things to Have in Cold Weather
1. Hot chocolate (with marshmallows of course)
2. A heated blanket (this gets difficult with no electricity I.e. stuck in a blizzard)
3. Fuzzy socks and really warm ones at that
4. Heated car seats (ooooh)
5. Remote start to defrost your car (my favorite)

Five Phrases I Hear Around Me Often
1. Don't you wish we lived in Hawaii?
2. Do you have a Starbucks card?
3. LOL (this would be people who actually say the abbreviation out loud in a conversation because they think it's hip- it's not...)
4. What day is it?!?!
5. Coords?

Five Things I Keep In My Car
1. First aid kit
2. Nasal decongestant (which someone actually left IN my car a year ago and dammit they will take it back)
3. Reusable shopping bags
4. Chapstick
5. A hanger for my business suit

Five Places Not to Go For Coffee
1. A gas station
2. Denny's
3. A mall kiosk
4. A food truck
5. Jiffy Lube (they offer free coffee but don't drink it!)

Five of My Type-A Panic Buttons
1. Doors halfway open
2. Scuffed shoes (ahhhhhhh)
3. Uneven alarm clock times (I.e. 5:32 am)
4. Leftover time on a microwave
5. Tangled cords

Short post after not posting forever!!!

Cheers,

A.

Things I wish I knew when...I was a kid

1. No one actually cares that your crayons are Crayola or Dollar Tree brand.
2. Packed lunches are way more awesome than cafeteria food.
3. Be nice, you never know who will be your boss one day.
4. Be truthful, friends are much more important in quality than quantity.
5. Being the teacher's pet is a good thing.
6. Grades are ranked with A being outstanding, not F.
7. Bullies are insecure and they don't disappear after grade school. Be strong.
8. That old poem? Sticks and stones...? It's true. 
9. The fewer signatures in your yearbook, the more friends you have. Truly.
10. Birthday party invitations don't define your popularity status.
11. Love your hobbies and practice them. They make you unique.
12. Braces are worth the pain.
13. You won't ever use the Train A/Train B math problem. Ever.
14. You'll have plenty of time to be a grown up, but not a lot to be a kid.
15. Take pictures. Lots. Small moments are the ones we forget.
16. Beauty is not defined by others. Rock those bellbottoms.
17. Coloring inside the lines is not nearly as fun as coloring on the outside.
18. Being picked last for a team is doesn't mean you don't matter. It means you matter the MOST.
19. Read as much as you can.
20. Spend time with your family.
21. There's a lot of people in this world. You're not alone.
22. You are loved.
23. Drugs never solve your problems.
24. Violence never solve your problems.
25. Go big or go home. Always.

Cheers,
A.

Listability Part II.

Five Names I've Always Wanted to Name My Dog Even If They Don't Match the Dog
1. Pickles
2. Bubbles
3. Cat
4. Socks
5. Jelly Beans

Five Street Names I've Lived On:
1. White Sands
2. Crossing Place
3. Wickersham
4. Springwood Meadow
5. Woodside

Five Really Good Drinks
1. Orangina
2. Sprite
3. Minionade
4. Nourish Your Brain
5. Strawberry Tea

Five Awesome Inventions:
1. Booties for puppies
2. Soup jar with attached spoon
3. Wireless controllers
4. Netflix
5. Sherlock Holmes

Five Things Everyone Should Do In College
1. Highlighter Party
2. Explore the Library
3. Speak up in class
4. Extra Credit
5. Join an organization

Five Spades Variations I Adore
1. Mirrors
2. Suicide
3. Double Blind Nil
4. 4 Hand Rule
5. Evil Spades

Five Alphabet Soup Acronyms From Spades That Only Spaders Know
1. Glp/gla
2. nnp/ndnp
3. typ
4. ncp
5. gga/ggp